It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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