There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I wear drunk well.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
