Plan B is the new Plan A
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
