my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
