So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
