fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
