The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
