I feel like I'm in dance class right now
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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