just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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