After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
