I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
