you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
