So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
