Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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