How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
