I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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