Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
