I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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