I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
