Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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