i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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