I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
