Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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