I have demons in me.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
