Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
