At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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