Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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