Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Found the puke drawer
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
