I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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