Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
