I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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