he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
