I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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