I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
