tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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