i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
