I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
