john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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