So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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