Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
