sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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