my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
