she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
