High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
