I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
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