my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
