That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
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