And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
