So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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