I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Shame - the story of my life.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
