I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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