she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You pole danced in your parka.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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